“The most popular time to sext is Tuesday between 10:00 A.M. and noon.
Yes, we looked this up twice. Strange!”
Recently, I read a book called Modern Romance: An Investigation by Aziz Ansari. The above quote is one of the random interesting facts that I learned from the book. This nonfiction shares a thoughtful and in-depth exploration of modern relationships, backed with various research and studies, and is told through a comedian’s voice. I highly recommend it if you’re looking for a nonfiction that is not too heavy to read. I’m 24 this year, and friends around me who had been single when I knew them are all slowly getting into serious relationships. While I generally don’t care much about how others’ lives are like compared to mine, there are days when I would wonder out loud, “Why am I still single?” So upon finishing this book, I reflected on my relationship life just to see where I stand today.
Taking you a quick trip down my relationship history, it has been pretty simple – broke up with my high school sweetheart during my first year of university, had a few flings and dates here and there, and that’s how it’s been like up till today. Although each fling and date has their own unique story to tell, I never really got into something serious that’s worth mentioning here in my blog. I mean, there’s nothing worth mentioning about the guy who lied to me that he would dump his girlfriend to be with me; or the guy who never wore condoms although he had multiple partners at the same time; or the guy that took me stargazing while blazing with a hippie on a nude beach; right? After all, I like to keep my personal life as private as possible.
Here are a few reasons why I’m still single, some of which are takeaways I got from Modern Romance that I think is worth mentioning:
1. “Good enough” is no longer enough
Back in the days, women settle for marriage because they don’t have the option to receive education and have their own career. They wanted to get married quickly so that they could escape the hands of their parents. As long as the potential partner seems healthy and can support her and her family, he is good enough to settle with. Today, as women have the privilege to study, work and be independent, we no longer need to get married to move out of home or support ourselves. (I mean, at least for a majority of us. I’m fully aware that there is still oppression in various culture)
I am very lucky to be given an education, opportunity to work, and a family that doesn’t force me to get into an arranged marriage at an early age. I have the right and freedom to pick the one that I feel is “right for me.” And because of that, I don’t want to rush anything.
2. Too many options!
With the ease of travelling and invention of the internet, technology has broken down the barrier to meet new people. Instead of a menu with only few items in it, we’re given 5 different menus with more than 100 items instead. How am I going to choose just one guy when I have so many options, and everyone else are given the same amount too? We’re too busy thinking “oh this person is nice, but I think there’s someone better out there,” to really settle down with just one person.
Perhaps it’s the age that I’m in and the guys that I’m exposed to, but most of the guys that I met these days are always looking for something casual. Like, they want the companionship and the sex but not the full price that they have to pay for being committed. Like I said, I personally had a few flings but I’m starting to get tired of the same process over and over again. I’m out of the game guys, I’m out.
3. I need to move on with my own life first
If you had been following my social channels, you’d know that I graduated from university a year ago and the path that I took was pretty winding. Relocation and mental health issues caused me to face many uncertainties and even take a break from my career. So, although I met a few potential, capable cute guys in the past few months, I have no intention to get serious since I plan to move again soon. I don’t mind meeting someone, but would only settle when I have a better grip of my own next step.
So yeap, that is why I am still single today. Not because I haven’t let go of my past relationships or that I’m not ready, but because it’s a conscious choice that I made based on my current circumstances. I actually told my parents this a few weeks ago, “I’d rather get married at 40 and adopt a child (if I can no longer conceive), than rushing into the marriage game and raising a kid with someone whom I can’t spend the rest of my life with.” Being the typical Asian parents, they’re definitely sad and concerned, but they can’t deny that this is a wiser choice.
For those of you single people who are stressing out, I hope this gives you reassurance that you’re not alone. Yes, we all get lonely sometimes, and I’m afraid of getting old all by myself too. But hey, being single is also pretty awesome right?
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