It has been four months since I started working, and this is my fourth blog post in the past four months. I don’t like the idea of it, mainly because I made a pact with myself earlier this year to be an active blogger, to keep this lovely space alive – but I failed. It’s not like I failed miserably, but I went from blogging six times a month to once a month, and the past few blog posts that I posted were mainly personal updates rather than actual lifestyle content. I’m just… not proud of it.
The truth is, things changed after I started working. Priorities changed, plans changed. I always have new blog post ideas coming up in my head, but I just never have time for it. If you’ve followed my blog long enough, you would know that I value my time a lot. I think that time is extremely precious and I try to make every single day count. I thought that people who only focus on their career/education and nothing else are wasting their time not on the right thing. I value work-life balance, and when I started working full time four months ago, I freaked out.
I freaked out when I realized that out of the 17 hours that I am awake, I spend an average of 11 hours daily at work; deducting the time that I use for daily functioning (eating, taking showers, scrolling through Facebook and Instagram), I have only about 3-4 hours left. Take it to the gym for 2 hours, run some errands or do some house chores and there goes my day. I try to make the best out of it by sacrificing my sleep or gym time to meet up with friends after work. Text me for a catch up and I’ll go to work early just to leave early for dinner. Ring me up for a late night teh tarik and I’ll be there in my flip flops and pajama pants despite having to work the morning after.
It’s not like I don’t like my job. I work with some of the most passionate and competent people; I am learning a lot from executing and working with my colleagues; I feel like I own my job because of the startup environment; I am also making money to sustain myself while doing it. Heck I feel guilty for “not doing my work” whenever I am on my laptop outside of my work time it’s like an addiction. I’m just not used to dedicating my daily life to my career, which should be my priority right now.
Since young, I had always been actively involved in something else besides focusing on my academic life. Student bodies, singing groups, blogging, making YouTube covers, volunteering, random events or parties or hiking trips… there was always something going on. After I started working, I looked at my empty blog and social media channels and felt like I am missing out in life. I have a serious FOMO issue. I don’t know if it’s quarter life crisis, my transition back to the life in Malaysia, or my transition into work life; it definitely freaked me out and I knew I needed to do something about it.
So for the past few weekends, I took my camera out and started taking photos and videos again. I made my friends take photos with me (and of me) just for fun when we went out for meals/catch up.
I’m not used to posing for photos, and am definitely not a model material, but it was fun to just try out different positions until we get something that we like (okay now that sounds wrong and I just have to point it out ?). I was really glad to post them on Instagram as it made me feel as though I am finally doing something again, since I don’t create content for my blog as frequently anymore.
It’s something that I never expected to make me feel better about myself – taking photos for Instagram. It’s a concept that didn’t exist before, but makes sense now as Instagram is like a modern day, simplified version of blog for people like me to share our content visually. It has almost taken over the place of blogs, unless you are as talkative and expressive as me and want to write so much like how I am doing right now, then Instagram is not enough for you. LOL But yea, what I’m trying to say is, I’m glad to be able to create content for fun, for myself again. Work life can be quite daunting, but I think I’ve slowly figured out how to make it better now.
Here’s a toast to all of you who just graduated university and managed to survive your first few months of your first full time job. Whether or not you struggled like I did, you deserve a pat on your back, a tub of ice-cream, and maybe a drink or two. Congratulations, you managed to “adult” so far! ? *clink*