As I opened up and became more transparent about how I was doing in the past few months, I felt more inclined to feel better and get better every day. However, mental illness is an ongoing struggle; some days are good, some days are bad – you don’t just snap out of it. So what I did was, I started celebrating every little good, every little improvement that I make. I look at the bright side, give myself a pat at the back, and remind myself that I am doing better than before. It is not every day that it happens, but I am trying my best to count these little celebrations as they pop up.
These are just some things that I celebrated in the past two weeks, which seem so trivial, yet are so significant to me:
1. I left my bed and got out for a proper meal.
2. I wrote my first to-do list for myself. Not for work, not for my blog, just me.
3. I did not cry. Yes, I was so happy when I did not cry for days for the first time in a long time!
4. I practiced yoga on my own. No distraction, no judgement.
5. I finished a book, and picked up two new ones.
6. I sang again. I didn’t care much about my singing skills or the video quality, I just sang because I felt like it.
7. I blogged again.
8. I put on a new lipstick – thanks Sophia for making Colourpop so accessible in Malaysia now!
9. I said yes to joining my sister and her family for a spontaneous trip out of town, and it was the best thing I needed that week.
10. I went to work every day. As much as I felt demotivated almost everyday, I’m proud of myself for being able to show up at work and try my best to perform each day.
I repeat, not every day is good. Like today and yesterday are just bad days for me, but I’m hoping to not let them get hold of me. It’s impossible to act as if nothing has happened and live happily ever after, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try to count my miracles and work hard to make my dreams come true.