Happy birthday to me! It is my 23rd birthday today and I have never felt better. Today, after existing in planet earth for 23 years, I am still healthy and well functioning; my family members are still alive and doing alright; I’ve amazing friends who love and care for me; I have great education; I have access to healthy food and clean water; and I have the privilege of doing things that I love. I am blessed, and I am still counting my blessings.
As I celebrate yet another adult birthday this year, I learned that as you grow older, you no longer get rainbow cakes or A&W mascots for your birthday. All you get are tequila shots, handmade cards, store-bought cards with really funny illustrations, running pants, some books, a free drink from Starbucks, and an empty box of chocolates. And that is not enough! I want my A&W mascot, the one who doesn’t have a tail because other kids had torn it away when they abused it on their birthdays. I am not satisfied with all that I received for my birthday this year. So, due to the lack of youthfulness that I have to face as I grow older, I demand that I also get 23 wishes for every year that I have lived till today.
I wish that…
- Mindy Kaling is my roommate.
- I have the stamina of Forrest Gump.
- Avocados of the same batch can not ripe at the same rate so that I don’t need to binge eat avocados 3 meals, 3 days in a row.
- Those who are missing their period due to stress can get their period soon.
- Someone can get me millions of air miles so that travelling can be a lot cheaper.
- I can marry someone who can get me unlimited supply of Tompkin Square bagels with avocado cream cheese.
- I can eat all the fattiest junk food without deteriorating my health.
- Mamak stalls are available in Canada.
- BAYMAX IS REAL.
- I can get a job that I love after I graduate.
- Acnes can stop appearing on my beautiful face.
- My niece can stop being obese.
- Hogwarts sends me a letter explaining that the reason I didn’t get my acceptance letter when I was 11 was because they lost my record when Voldemort took over the Ministry of Magic, and they are offering me a letter for a Fast Track Adult Witchcraft and Wizardry Diploma Program.
- My grandma gets to see me walking down the aisle.
- I can have a beautiful library like Belle’s in Beauty and the Beast.
- There is no poverty in this world. I repeat, NO POVERTY.
- Mental health can be taken as seriously as physical health.
- I get to see Leonardo Dicaprio receive an Oscar before I die, or he dies, or before we board on the same flight together.
- My future husband can do the dishes every day.
- All soon-to-be university graduates can survive the stress of having to get a job and survive as an adult.
- My parents will continue to be healthy and happy, and they can get big fishes every time they go fishing.
- Everyone treats one another with love and kindness.
- Genie comes to me tonight, and all of the 22 wishes above come true.
And there you go, my 23 wishes for my 23rd birthday! Okay, now that I feel better, I would like to sincerely thank all of you who messaged me, wished me, hugged me, wrote me cards, bought me gifts, got drunk with me, danced with me, and took their pants off with me (during the No Pants Skytrain Ride) for my birthday. All jokes aside, the gifts are really awesome and I couldn’t have asked for more. I thank you for your love and your kind words. You have made my parents’ hard work 23 years ago all worthwhile, and we shall be forever thankful for that.
Actually, I’m not very sorry. Those wishes are really important to me. Pardon me, but I am going to scrub my carpet right now before Genie arrives. Till then!